I’m a Fxxking idol


Once, I was invited to a fellow singer’s concert and while watching the stage, I had a thought.

“I envy them… What are we lacking that we couldn’t hold a concert in such a large venue?”

It started as a simple curiosity and a question, but the conclusion wasn’t as simple as that.

Yes, I am an idol. As the title suggests, a “fxxking idol.”

I might have used the word “fxxking” to reflect all the negative thoughts like complaints, dissatisfaction, and feelings of inferiority, or maybe I just felt it was fitting.

Idols are not as shining and special as they seem. You often see comments like,

“Entertainers have nothing to worry about.”

Really? I wish they’d worry a little.

Give us worries, concerns, and love, and then give us some criticism.

Most of the time, people don’t care about what we do, but when controversies arise, I find myself reacting unexpectedly strongly, saying,

“No, that’s not true, they misunderstood.”

People judge based on surface appearances, and instead of criticism, they attack.

Sometimes, or rather quite often, I want to deny everything.

Controversies, dating rumors, various issues… People judge based on what they see, and their judgment becomes the absolute truth.

Frequently, I want to refute all the criticism saying “No, that’s not true.”

But I can’t.

Entertainers can’t react to every finger pointed at them by the public.

Every statement and belief of entertainers is put on trial by the public, and they are judged by the public.

Being an entertainer is that kind of profession.

Even though I practice and put in effort all night for a single stage,

and even if I meet a friend of the opposite sex for a brief meal and accidentally get photographed,

I’m labeled as “A person who doesn’t practice and just pretends to care about fans while having a good time with their significant other.”

It’s disheartening. I never asked for attention, but still, they can depict me in such a way.

It often makes me wonder how they can make such an unfair portrayal.

But the truth is, I can’t complain.

Because as an entertainer, I appear on TV to satisfy the viewers.

Singers sing, actors act, comedians make us laugh.

We are simply there to entertain and bring joy to the eyes and ears of the audience,

anything beyond that is considered luxury.

Let me use my favorite food as an analogy – let’s say it’s Tteokbokki (spicy rice cakes).

I love tteokbokki for its chewy texture and spicy, savory taste.

But imagine if this tteokbokki had a mouth.

As you try to put a forkful of fish cake covered in sauce into your mouth, suddenly, the tteokbokki starts lecturing about political correctness.

It’s ridiculous and funny to imagine, but let’s entertain the idea.

In that moment, the tteokbokki has lost its value as tteokbokki.

Unless it becomes the “world’s first talking tteokbokki,” makes headlines, appears on famous TV talk shows, and becomes a means to earn money, its true value lies in being tteokbokki when it fulfills its role as a food.

Entertainers are no different. Those who consume us are not doing so to see our other sides.

I know… I know very well, but in the end, aren’t we more than just entertainers?

Aren’t we individuals with thoughts, reflections, and the ability to speak?

Sometimes, even though I know the truth, there are facts I want to deny.

Yes, that’s what I mean – the facts I have always tried to console and comfort myself, while denying them, throughout my years as an entertainer.

It was a long introduction, but I want to use anonymity to pour out the emotions I have felt as an entertainer until now.

As an anonymous person, you may wonder if I’m telling the truth or not.

Whether you believe it or not is up to you. I won’t force it as the absolute truth.

But from now on, I will write my “real” story, based solely on the truth.


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